The Hardest Things to Say to One Another
· The Atlantic
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Recently, Russell Shaw realized that he had texted his kids the same two words—Too loud—133 times since 2020. “The backstory to each, I’m sure, was relatively consistent,” he writes. “I was in bed, thinking about my schedule for the next day—a board meeting, a difficult conversation I needed to have—when from downstairs came the noise. Shrieks of laughter. Trash talk escalating over a video game ... Or perhaps it was someone deciding at 11 p.m. that they would absolutely die without a McFlurry, kicking off a negotiation over who should place the DoorDash order.”
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The texts Shaw had sent weren’t just instances of minor annoyance: They have become a record of the precious time, he writes, when his kids and their friends were always around and the house was full. “My children knew, I think, that the Too loud texts were not quite what they appeared to be—that, yes, I was saying Keep it down, but what I meant was closer to I know you’re there; I’m glad you’re here.”
Shaw wishes he had known then what he was really trying to tell them; but that’s how it happens, he writes. “You don’t know you’re in the good years until you’re standing in the quiet they left behind.” Today’s newsletter explores what we share with our families, and what we find the hardest to say.
On Family
The Phrase I Texted My Kids 133 Times
By Russell Shaw
And all the things it didn’t say
Mister Rogers Had a Simple Set of Rules for Talking to Children
By Maxwell King
The TV legend possessed an extraordinary understanding of how kids make sense of language.
The Questions We Don’t Ask Our Families but Should
By Elizabeth Keating
Many people don’t know very much about their older relatives. But if we don’t ask, we risk never knowing our own history.
Still Curious?
- Why we speak more weirdly at home: When people share a space, their collective experience can sprout its own vocabulary, known as a familect, Kathryn Hymes wrote in 2021.
- Want to understand Socrates and Sartre? Talk with your kid. Children might have a natural aptitude for grappling with our deepest philosophical questions, Elissa Strauss wrote in 2022.
Other Diversions
- “The night my marriage fell apart”
- The Apple car is finally here—except it’s a Ferrari.
- Read these books by the time you graduate.
PS
Courtesy of Bliss G.I recently asked readers to share a photo of something that sparks their sense of awe in the world. “On my morning walk today, where there was only a low wall a few days ago, peonies bloomed in a color combination I’d never seen before,” Bliss G. writes. “When I stopped, startled by the beauty of the contrasting dark and light pinks, the blossoms reminded me that not every day is exactly the same.”
I’ll continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks.
— Isabel