Scientists Studied Why People Have Sex When They Don’t Want To. Here’s What They Found.
· Vice
There’s sex you want to have, and then there’s sex you have because you feel like you owe it to them.
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Researchers call the second kind “duty sex,” and a new study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that men and women reported it at similar levels. People who worried their partner might cheat were more likely to have sex out of obligation, as were those who felt their partner was out of their league. Researchers also found a connection with neuroticism, a personality trait associated with anxiety and emotional instability.
Lead author F. Sid Dougan, a doctoral candidate at the University of Texas at Austin, believes some people use sex to keep a relationship together when they’re afraid of losing their partner. “Sex isn’t always motivated by desires for physical and emotional pleasure,” he told PsyPost.
‘Duty Sex’ Is More Common Than You Might Think, and Scientists Are Studying Why
The study has some limitations, though. Researchers surveyed 252 college students ages 18 to 24, including just 76 men, so we can’t assume the findings apply to everyone. Most participants reported very little duty sex, and because researchers only collected information at one point in time, they couldn’t establish what was causing the behavior.
There’s also a difference between having sex because you want to make your partner happy and doing it because you’re worried they’ll get upset if you don’t.
Psychologists Amy Muise and Emily Impett have studied these motivations, separating them into what’s called approach and avoidance goals. The first involves wanting to feel closer to your partner or give them pleasure. The second is having sex to avoid an argument, disappointment, or some other unpleasant reaction. Their research found that on days when people had sex for avoidance reasons, both partners reported lower satisfaction and sexual desire.
You also don’t have to be crazy horny every time you have sex for it to be enjoyable. Muise’s research on sexual communal strength found that people who willingly considered their partner’s sexual needs generally reported greater satisfaction, as did their partners. The distinction is having the freedom to say no without worrying about the consequences.
Dougan also cautioned against interpreting his findings as advice to have unwanted sex.
And if you’re regularly having sex because you’re afraid your partner will cheat, leave, or punish you for refusing, the conversation you need to have probably isn’t about sex at all.
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